The Onion has some great horoscopes.

Pisces February 19 – March 20
Your failure to follow last week’s horoscope has resulted in the loss of thousands of innocent lives.

Read yours here.

I found this on Matthew’s blog:
Scene: The Nativity. Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar gather around the Christ Child. Mary and Joseph listen intently in the background.

Balthazar: …my major concern with this birth chart is that it shows potential for conflict with authority figures. You might want to teach him to be a little more respectful of Caesar, just to be careful. At least publicly.

Caspar: Don’t be silly. He’s a revolutionary, and the world needs more of that. This Jupiter/Saturn configuration, though… could be liver trouble.
More here